


A Life Lost

by jeannedarcprice



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Description of wounds, First Aid, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Mental Breakdown, mass effect andromeda spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24914398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeannedarcprice/pseuds/jeannedarcprice
Summary: An attempted ambush on a kett barracks by the Tempest crew ends in a violent skirmish. The kett are battle hardened and more determined to stop the team after their storming of the Kett Sanctuary on Voeld, but the revelations found there haven’t only affected the angara...One lone kett finds that they remember what they once were, and the repercussions of that will touch all of the Pathfinder team.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12
Collections: Mass Effect Big Bang 2020





	A Life Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is my story entry for the Mass Effect Big Bang 2020! Thanks to [ @ramblingandpie](https://ramblingandpie.tumblr.com/) my partner for this! I love the flip image for the kett! Two sides that now make one!  
> Beta read by the forever awesome [Jupiter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiter23/pseuds/jupiter23)! Thank you!
> 
> I’ve had this idea for an age, and it is one of my hopes for an Andromeda sequel if there ever is one. A kett squad mate, one that remembers it was angaran. What a delightfully complex character it would be!  
> It was also fun to write the Pathfinder team from the perspective of the kett, colouring them in a negative light, as an enemy (honestly being on the receiving end of Drack in battle must be frightening!). Also, it’s a pleasure to explore a more inexperienced Scott.

Multiple sets of footprints lead away from the large tyres of the Nomad. It was a hot day on Eos despite the cool air that whipped up small rocks on the firm patches of ground. It seemed the season might be changing as there were more flowering plants than there had been before. That, or the vault being activated had restarted their life cycles.

Cora admired a small, silvery looking plant as she walked past. Its stem looked furry, and she could see bulbs growing close to its base. If they weren’t about to ambush a kett barracks, she would’ve insisted that they stop to let her take a cutting.

“We could’ve parked closer, you know!” came Liam’s sarcastic voice. She agreed with him, stalking and trying to stay hidden for this long was tough work, especially moving through the sand armoured and in this heat.

“All you ever do is whine you squishy kids. If we make this, we’ll have the upper hand. And it’s kinda fun when we have the upper hand.” Drack guffawed as his own comment, trudging on heavy booted feet that didn’t seem bothered by the terrain below.

“Exactly,” Scott agreed. “I don’t want us to come in hot in the Nomad and give them a chance to get organised. It’s not the most subtle of entries!”

They continued their relentless march, Scott starting to worry that he’d be tired out before they even got there. Perhaps he had stopped too far out. Still he wasn’t going to admit to his mistake.

_“Pathfinder. I detect an incoming object at high speed.”_

The AI’s announcement was very unwelcome, and no sooner had he finished it a kett drone hovered overhead.

***

They had eaten. A simple meal of rations provided by the empire. The troops sat in the barracks in a uniform fashion, eating silently, efficiently. There was no time for small talk when there were more tasks to be done. Almost everyone had finished at the same time, and so the kett soldier stood when the other stood, marching back to retrieve its gun and take up its patrol route around the raised perimeter.

The sun overhead was harsh, but for the kett it was of little hinderance. That’s what they had been taught, drills to keep them on task and to ignore the little annoyances. They were on the Presson Dunes, an undulating mass of sand and wind, a perfect place to put their turbine generators. It was enough to power the base on the Sheartop. There was a large dip in the landscape beneath them, and even from this position it couldn’t see what was below. It didn’t matter, anything would be visible coming towards them eventually. The kett’s eyes lazily followed the fiend they had let loose to patrol the dunes out south. It was a marvel of bioengineering, it thought, a perfect specimen of an animal which had been given the gift of becoming kett. Of course it served a purpose - anyone trying to attack this area would no doubt find that out.

That thought had suddenly disturbed it somehow – _the gift of becoming kett_. It looked to itself, within itself, wondering why that concept suddenly felt so frightening yet absolute at the same time.

 _What is this vessel?_ It suddenly questioned. _Why do I feel as one with it yet ripped apart, fractured? Like there is something_ deep _missing. No!_ It remonstrated itself. _‘Pain is proof of harmony’!_

The mantra appeared to calm the Kett’s mind, allowing it to concentrate on the task at hand. It noticed a shimmer on the horizon, one that wasn’t a mirage, it was certain of it. The alien peered again into the hazy distance, heat waves dancing over the ground like the very air was alive. Its eyes narrowed at the realisation that it wasn’t just a glimmer in the distance, not the sun glinting off the shells of a pack of kaerkyn. Perhaps it was the glint of a scope, the brief flash of lights on armoured bodies – the steady and failed stealthy attempt at an ambush.

“Contact!” it shouted, sending out a drone in the direction to do reconnaissance.

***

The team managed to make it to a protected outcrop near the barracks in double time. Funny how being shot at made them move above and beyond the capabilities of their bodies when they needed to.

“You said something about us having the upper hand, Drack?” Vetra chided, pushing herself up against a rocky formation that she hoped would protect her.

“I said if it worked! Not if the long trek in would get us spotted before we could make it!”

Scott winced at his arguing team, knowing it was his fault. They probably could’ve got away with being closer, but yet again he wasn’t going to admit it. What mattered was here and now, and they’d make this work. “Let’s try to flank them. Cora and I will need some supressing fire. We can dash to that position over there!” He pointed for Cora’s benefit as much as everyone’s. “Once we’re there we can provide cover for you.”

“The drone will be fun to send back to them hacked. They won’t know what’s shooting at them until it hits them!”

Scott smiled, Peebee had pulled her weight. Right before he’d considered shooting it out of the sky she’d disarmed it mechanically, and it seemed in the rush over to cover she’d managed to hack and turn it to their advantage. “Brilliant! Okay, send that out first, we’ll get ready to move!”

***

The kett were shouting orders, several of them communicating to where they knew the enemy was. It watched, scope trained on the outcrop of rocks, wondering what they were doing behind it. Its drone returned, whipping over its head and high above in a standard reconnaissance position. They all concentrated on the hiding place, waiting for battle, small grunts coming over the comms as other kett took up their places. Suddenly, there was gun fire raining down from above them, from in front of them, and two bright blue flashes zipped across the ground below them, disappearing out of sight.

***

The distraction had worked. Peebee had set off the drone, letting it spray the ground below with bullets. Half the kett soldiers had turned their attention to the heavens, and with that the team had managed to take out a few of them in the confusion. Scott and Cora had dashed to the more covered and advantageous position, flinging a few grenades onto the walkways above, seeing finally to the enemies on the left-hand side. Vetra had seen the opening, and in long strides she covered the distance, activating her enhanced shields to take any stray bullets as she rounded the ramp to the top. Soon Cora and Scott joined her, and as they took half of the attention from the remaining kett, the rest of the team moved out.

There was a small explosion above the barracks, Peebee blowing out a curse in frustration.

“Aww no fair! Good job, lil’ guy!”

“Peebee, ready?” Liam called, and the asari nodded, pulling up a biotic barrier in front of them as they charged, deflecting the shots that were meant for them. Jaal followed behind with Drack, the old krogan almost laughing off the shots as they bounced off his shields. He liked having the upper hand in a fight, but the challenge of not having it was evidently more thrilling to him. He ignored the route of his team, instead running straight ahead and jumping at the last possible second to reach the elevated walkway, activating his jump boost at the same time.

***

The kett soldier had managed to find cover from both the drone and the barrage that was peppering at its six. It watched some of its comrades fall, not able to move out of either line of fire in time. It felt frustration at how easy it had been, how in mere seconds they were a quarter of their unit down. There was a sudden blast and a whoosh of air to its left, the air pressure knocking it sideways, it heard bullets flying in all directions, shouts and screams from those dying around. It didn’t think kett screamed, but here it was. It lay flat on the ground, inching around its cover so it could get a bead on the drone above. Finally, it had it clear in its sights, and with its sidearm it shot at it several times, cutting short its hail of bullets in a shower of sparks and then a dead drop to the floor. The relief at having taken it out was short lived as a great armoured thug flung itself over the lip of the walkway, roaring cruelly and brandishing a large blunt object. Several of its comrades moved in to make contact, but it swung hard and fast, and it could feel bones being broken, seeing how one tried to defend itself singlehandedly, shooting its rifle in a desperate attempt to survive.

It didn’t wait to see what happened, scrambling as it heard a crunch and a cruel laugh behind it. It got to its feet, mere seconds from being cut off by more assailants as they appeared up the ramp. It shot at them as it moved, causing them to retreat. It had trained for this, and it saw more of its group in an advantageous position, quickly heading for it.

They communicated efficiently, how they would try to coax a hasty and ill thought response from them. If they held out long enough on this end they would have a chance. The large _thing_ that had come crashing over the walkway was currently pinned by an Anointed who had moved to cut it off. They agreed on their tactics, and with a burst of energy they all moved as one, shooting at their targets, retreating behind cover when they had to reload. It was a while like this, and eventually something had to give.

It was unfortunately on their side. One of them fell, riddled with bullets in no time at its mistake. Not shortly after there was a deafening shot, a hole punched through the skull of the comrade next to it. The kett soldier scanned in the direction of the bullet’s trajectory, only to see one of their assailants fizzle into view from a perch. Their sniper had seen it too and mercifully shot at it as it retreated, but now this place was compromised.

As it moved the kett tripped over a body, wide-eyed, _dead_. They taught them that death for the empire was honourable, a service, but suddenly the kett had new feelings bloom in its breast, ones that told it that there was much more to life than servitude to the machine.

It ran, ran in the direction of safety, hoping that the bullets flying around it wouldn’t connect, all the time its mind in turmoil. It ran past more bodies littering the floor, and it saw itself in those bodies, not wanting to join their ranks. It was told it was one of them, that it should be honoured to be one of them. But it didn’t feel at one with them.

Feelings and memories bloomed and died in its mind. Tissue and blood tests, formless comrades trying to get away, being beaten then taken – never killed, why? Confusion at being ‘chosen’, and what this meant. Why were they behaving like this, like it was a gift, a religion? The stripping away of its identity. Drills that drove it insane. Something acute stirred inside it, like a consciousness that was trying to get out. It fought it, still moving for cover, trying not to slip or else receive a bullet in its back.

It remembered the harsh classes, the drone of recited passages, remembered losing slip on who it was. Finding cover it tried to take control of its faculties, still only nightmarish visions playing in its head. Next, memories of being suspended, a regal looking being in front of it, floating. Black tubes driven into its chest. Pain. Pain that didn’t stop. Pain that pushed its way around its body, as if consuming every molecule of its being. Strangely, being as one with it too, like this was how it was meant to be. That this was some sort of inevitable conclusion. Calm. Then pain again. New mass being born from within, new structures being pushed through skin; bone and sinew and flesh that somehow felt foreign yet melded with its body.

A dark place, looking to the terrible skies of Voeld on stormy nights through a hole in the top of a cold cave. There was a feeling of kin here, warmth mixed with distant feelings of anger and desperation coupled with a calming belief that it held onto dearly. But it couldn’t pull more of this vision into the foreground, feeling like it had been wiped from it’s being, like a life lost somehow, even though it was forging into a newer, clear purpose. Clarity, perfection – Exultation.

Distracted by its thoughts it didn’t see the alien rush in in a flash of blue energy, a body that was too soft looking to be strong, a face that was probably considered beautiful for its kind. The impact winded the kett soldier, knocking it off its feet, and it scampered to retreat again behind new cover before the alien followed up with another attack.

***

Cora would’ve followed through were it not for the barrage of suppressive fire, having to make a hasty retreat herself. “Drack! There’s one holed up on your left!” She grunted as she informed him through the comms, watching him wholly consumed by delivering a fatal blow to a struggling kett's skull. There was a deafening thud, matched by the blood that covered the krogan’s boot. She heard him roar out a laugh as he brought the hammer in an arch over his head.

“Holed up, eh? Well I might be too big to get in there with it!”

***

There was no anger or purpose anymore, just shock and fear. The kett’s chest burned, it struggled to breathe. It didn’t know if it was from the blast or the sudden flush of panic that had hit its whole body. It scrambled to make itself small behind it’s cover, looking wildly to the side to ensure it wasn’t being flanked. The soldier suddenly had no idea of who or what it was, but there was one thing clear in its mind – the gentle pale green eyes of someone it knew, the expression matriarchal. There was a feeling of overwhelming warmth and acceptance, nothing like the cold order of the kett barracks. Its heart sank, its chest feeling like it had dropped into its bowels just before it began to breathe hard in a panic. What was this? These feelings, this body, this brokenness? The kett clutched its gun to its chest, wishing it would protect it.

A shout – an order – came from in front of it. With its back to the enemy it hadn’t realised that its comrades had seen it all, a Destined called from a jagged mouth, the words being said incomprehensible to it. Why? Why couldn’t it understand its superior? The motions from the other kett were instruction enough, and despite feeling cold and alone, scared and _disconnected_ from its comrades it knew what had to be done. It had a feeling that defeating its enemies in battle or dying trying wasn’t an issue. It would come back; it would be reincarnated – stronger.

The kett swung around its cover, gun in hand, only to be faced with an alien that looked wholly like the image that had flashed briefly in its head. Except this one was male, it knew that, blue eyes like the sky, the atmospheric aura around a planet in orbit. Purple skin mottled with shades of pink and blue. A _rofjin_ – yes, that’s what it was, the same colour as his eyes. Anger in those eyes, hate, not welcoming like it was used to. A gun – a kett gun – being brought up, quicker than its own hands could comprehend. The mirror of itself took aim and fired, and the kett felt a burning sensation in its chest, feeling metal and blood being expelled from where it was hit. A flash of panic then numbness rose in its skull, nausea then relief.

Like synapses firing off in a death throe it remembered who it was, if only for a split second, before it fell into darkness.

_It will be okay. You will be led back to the light. You will be brought back, stronger, wiser. It is what our lineage demands._

***

Thick smoke billowed from the damage to the barracks, a fire that had started once someone had incinerated a sniper on the roof. The Pathfinder team went about their usual routine after a battle – finishing off stragglers, putting them out of their misery, taking what was of use, looking for anything that would tell them more about their enemy. Scott was in his element here, and sometimes he felt bad about it. The thrill of the battlefield was always his drug, something he had been denied all that time he stagnated on the Relay 202 outpost. Out here he was someone, and someone who excelled in combat. He frowned. The other stuff he’d been making up on the fly, trying to be diplomatic and sincere when sometimes he just wished others would take care of that side of being Pathfinder. He lived for the exploration and the combat, and this afternoon had been full of it.

As he finished scanning an item that was half sticking out of the sand he bent to pick it up. It was a piece of kett technology. He double checked his scan, noting that it was probably a drone like the one that had spotted them earlier. He glanced over, watching Jaal step amongst the debris and bodies under the structure. He saw movement, just as the angaran had, waiting to see what he would do next.

“This one’s still alive. I thought I finished it off earlier.” Jaal strode over cruelly and pulled out his firaan, the stilettoed blade already making its way against flesh between bone plates.

He stopped.

“What did you say?”

The kett continued to mumble, trying to project its voice through raspy, gurgled syllables. Pulling unfamiliar yet soothing words through its throat and lips as if it were speaking in tongues.

“Shut up!” Jaal growled, angry hot tears threatening to leave his eyes as they stared into the kett’s beneath him. He had lost his sense at the words, lost so much sense that he didn’t realise the significance of them.

“I said _shut up_!” he shouted, and Peebee was quickly at his side, seeing that he was both angry and paralysed, trying to shake his shoulder as his blade was now cutting enough to draw blood. She could feel his shoulders under her hands, trembling.

_“I am a gloryseeker. Death brings only glory and enlightenment. I am of Voeld. My true mother’s name is….”_

“Woah! Jaal. _Jaal_? Look at me. Look at me.” Her voice was equally as shaky, the team coming over at the raised voices. Still, the angara didn’t remove his weapon, or attempt to finish the kett off. It was only then that her translator picked up the kett's mumble. Her face changed, a realisation that she quickly took stock of. One she was sure Jaal had already understood; the reason why he was in tears and holding a knife to the stricken kett’s throat.

“Uh,” she started in a breaking voice before clearing her throat and raising it, clutching onto Jaal's shoulders as if she was holding him back – body and mind. “Ryder? Ryder! You need to come here, like, _now_!”

Scott turned to them, that boyish smile dropping from his face when he heard the real panic in Peebee’s voice. And she wasn’t one to panic easily. He trotted over, stopping short of the angara’s personal space. His whole body looked different, his posture hostile yet paralysed. Like at any given moment he would explode into a bout of violence. He supposed by the way that Peebee was still holding onto him that that’s what she feared too.

He changed his demeanour quickly, his voice soft and comforting, just the way he’d seen it work for the Moshae when she spoke. “Jaal? Tell me what’s going on.” He tried to look over Jaal’s shoulder at the kett on the floor. All he could see what the top of its head, its limbs sprawled by its side, blood seeping from a chest wound. Only when he concentrated did he see that its chest was still rising and falling. His ears tuned into what was before him, and he heard a barely there mumble, wet rasps from its throat, words being said that his translator was having trouble deciphering. There was a brief moment of shock, his brain starting to put the scene in front of him together. Still, he wanted to hear it from Jaal, wanted him to confirm what his suspicions were.

“Jaal,” he urged again, gently, trying to coax the answer from him.

There was a sudden explosion of movement. Peebee tensed, bracing the angara’s wide shoulders like she was trying to stop him. Scott thought he was going to slit the poor bastard’s throat, but Jaal flung his knife away in a bout of fury. He stood, stooping, like the action had taken the wind out of him, like it had been painful to disobey the blood his knife craved.

“It spoke _shelesh_!” Jaal screamed as he turned his head to face them all, and the team had never seen his face like that; contorted, trembling, what they knew to be tears funnelling down the sides of his nose, a wet snort that came from it just as it would’ve come from a human’s.

“What!?” Liam raised his voice in disbelief, marching straight up to Jaal with a purpose that shocked everyone. Jaal didn’t shy away from him or try to push him away, he stood there as his teammate – his friend – drew in closer to address him. “You sure?”

“I heard it speak clear as day,” he sniffed, a large gloved hand coming up to his face to wipe away the tears. “It…spoke to me.”

Liam looked down past Jaal’s frame, noticing that Peebee had already drawn in closer to inspect what she assumed was now a corpse. “What does this mean, Jaal?”

They all heard the large intake of breath from the angara, his voice sullen with his answer. “It means that exultation might not be as permanent as –”

“Shit!” Peebee yelped, flinching at the movement beneath her. Scott had been watching her and the kett all along and had seen it feebly reach out to touch her. He rushed in, sliding to a stop and looking straight into its eyes.

“ _Help…m…”_

“Shit!” he shouted himself, disbelieving. Liam was at his side in a heartbeat, activating him omni-tool and administering medi-gel to the mess that was his chest, hoping for the best. Scott stood, his ‘tool at the ready as well, starting a scan and centring it on the casualty.

“SAM?”

“ _The kett has suffered multiple gunshot trauma to its centre mass. Concussions due to a biotic charge. A nonlethal laceration to the throat. I suggest –”_

“It’s bleeding out. It’s not gonna make it,” came a low, sensitive sounding growl from Drack. They hadn’t noticed before but the old krogan was pacing in the background.

“Vetra!” Liam shouted, Scott wincing at the sound of him taking control. But this was what his speciality was: managing a crisis.

The tall turian was at his side in a heartbeat, concern on her face despite their patient. “Yeah?”

“I need you to go to the transportation vehicle over there,” he nodded with his head in the general direction, not taking his eyes off the kett beneath him. “Search for kett trauma supplies, anything that looks like we can use. We’ve seen them before.”

“Got it. Seen them around. Already been trading with ‘em!” she admitted as she turned and ran to the vehicle, her long legs making little effort of it.

“Yeah,” he muttered to himself, beads of sweat starting to pepper his brow. “Knew it!” He smiled at the private thought, Peebee looking at him quizzically as she hadn’t heard the comment. She felt useless as she knelt beside the kett, still grasping onto the hand that was squeezing hers in return.

“Ryder?” Liam prompted, wondering what the Pathfinder was doing in all of this. “What’s the call?”

Scott snapped out of his feeling of uselessness. He was the Pathfinder, and however good Liam was at his role, he had his own one to play. One glance at Jaal, his face open with emotion, confusion and helplessness was enough to convince him that attempting to save this kett was worth it. He was used to making snap decisions, it was something he’d risen to despite hating it. The reasons behind those decisions though? Sometimes he hated himself for them too. Was this out of sympathy for Jaal, or the kett bleeding out at his feet? In a flash he had his comms open and was hailing the Tempest.

“Kallo, SAM is sending you coordinates. We’re on the Presson Dunes. We need a pickup, stat.”

“ _Roger that_ ,” Kallo replied, not an inch of emotion in his voice.

“Stay on the line, and patch Suvi and Gil in too. They need to know what’s going on.” He paused before opening another channel and connecting them all. “Lexi.”

“ _Ryder_ ,” she responded, hearing the strain in his voice, steadying herself for the inevitable.

“Be ready for a casualty. Gunshot wounds, mass internal trauma. Bleeding out as we speak. We applied medi-gel but there’s too much damage. We don’t have much time. SAM’s sending you the scan.”

They waited as the data was sent, all holding their breath for the doctor’s reaction.

“ _Ryder_?” If a word could have ever asked so many more questions, he was glad that she didn’t barrage him with them. He knew she was expecting scans from one of the Pathfinder crew, but what she saw was potentially worse. The silence after she’d said his name must have been because she was quickly scanning the data stream before her. “ _Ryder. Is this correct? A kett casualty?”_

“Affirmative.”

“ _A_ what _!?_ ” came Kallo's trill voice over the comms. “ _I’m performing an emergency evacuation for what!?_ ”

Before he’d finished, Gil’s nasal voice quipped him. “ _Quiet down, Kallo. I’m sure he’s got his reasons_.”

“ _Well this is a first_ ,” Suvi added, her voice a little uncertain. Scott thought it was more out of wonder than fear. “ _Lexi. Do you need a hand prepping the med-bay?”_

“ _I -,_ ” came Lexi’s equally shaky voice. “ _Yes, Suvi. That would be a great help_.” She went quiet again and they were all sure it was because she was still looking at the scan sent to her. “ _I don’t know what with but I’m sure by the time you’ve got here I will have worked something out.”_

_“Roger. I’ll be there in a minute.”_

Scott could hear the sound of the Tempest lifting off through the comms, the sound of Lexi’s breathing, unusually panicked for the doctor. “You got this, Lexi!” he tried to reassure.

“ _I’m not entirely sure I have, Ryder,”_ she replied. “ _This is all going to be hypothetical, based on what I have learned through my –_ ” she hesitated again as she chose a word, _“_ tests _. How’s the patient?”_

Scott looked over, seeing Jaal standing to the side having retrieved his firaan, shell shocked but unable to tear his eyes away. Liam had stepped up and was applying pressure to the wounds, instructing a flailing Peebee who was rummaging through a trauma kit that has been supplied by Cora. Cora was monitoring the kett’s vitals with her omni-tool and SAM.

“Oh goddess! Liam there are blood bubbles everywhere!” Peebee squealed, packing more dressings against the kett’s chest, blood from the ones Liam was holding down already seeping across.

“We just do what we gotta do. What we _can_ do,” he replied calmly, the training from a lifetime ago on Earth kicking in. “Keep with the pressure!” He looked up expectantly at Cora. “How’s it doing?”

“Life signs are stable. SAM?”

_“Life signs are stabilising. The pressure you are applying to the wounds is helping, but there has been a distinct drop in blood pressure. There is a collapsed lung, respiratory system is compromised—”_

“Bastard wants to live!”

Jaal glanced over at Drack with a sting in his eye at the insensitive comment. But he soon realised that he’d meant the comment in earnest. It sounded almost triumphant and proud in a way that Jaal had never registered in the old krogan before. He’d heard some stories in New Tuchanka of how battle hardened the krogans were, but also of the deep-set woe the species had in regard to the mortality rate of their young. He surmised that in a krogan’s eyes, the will to live must have been valued highly.

Liam heard Vetra close in on long strides, coming to his side with a box in her hands. “Got one!” she said, her voice shaky from her breathlessness. He was glad that she’d taken the errand seriously. “There’re a few injectors in it. Painkillers, stims, dressings. They’ve all been tested on the black market on Kadara. I say go with their painkillers first.”

Liam smiled to himself. They were lucky the ex-smuggler, well – acquisitions specialist – was part of the team. “Know which one it is?”

“Of course I do,” she chided, quickly grabbing one from its casing and moving in. The kett’s eyes lit up slightly at the sight of it, like it signalled relief. “Where to put it, though? That’s another thing!”

“Try the neck,” Cora replied, her voice authoritative, equally as calm as Liam’s was through all of this. She glanced behind her, watching Scott as he talked on his comms, no doubt guiding the Tempest in despite Kallo already knowing their coordinates. She smiled inwardly at the sight, knowing that he was still trying to find his feet in all of this. The young Pathfinder had distracted her, and she missed the administration of the kett medical cocktail, only seeing Vetra moving away gingerly from the patient.

Peebee watched in horror as its eyes rolled back into its head, feeling it’s grasp grow limp in her hand. “What the hell just happened?”

“SAM?” Cora urged, the microseconds it took for the AI to assess the situation feeling like an age to them all.

_“Patient is in an induced coma. Stabilisation of blood pressure. It looks like parts of its physiology are shutting down in what I can only assume is a dormant state.”_

“Keep the pressure on those wounds, Peebee. No letting up!” Liam instructed, the young asari nodding and doubling down on the task. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she replied a little hesitantly. “Yeah!” she repeated, sounding more confident already. She talked fast and low, like she was voicing a stream of consciousness. “Just…never expected one to fight so hard to stay alive. No. Not that. To show any sort of emotion. You know? We’re so used to seeing them at the end of a gun barrel, dead on the floor –” her voice wavered as she looked down at its face again. “Never thought I could ever spare some sympathy for one, let alone actively take part in saving it!”

“You just switch off all of that when you have a job to be done. That’s what we did back when I was with HUSTL.”

Peebee nodded at him, staring hard at the pack of wadding under her hands, already soaked, blood seeping into the lining of her short gloves. She didn’t care, she was doing something heroic.

“Incoming!” Scott shouted a split second before they all heard the low rumble of the Tempest closing in. Kallo assessed the landing site, choosing to place her down up wind because there was heavy black smoke spewing from the ruined barracks. The team knew the drill, and that made the landing smooth. Scott paced impatiently as the suspension took the impact, waiting for the ramp to start descending.

The long ramp of the Tempest opened, seeming like a monumental task just to get to the top of it. In the Nomad it was never a problem, but they had a patient and had to be delicate with it. Lexi and Suvi came rushing down it with a gurney in hand - they weren’t going to get a trolley over that sand.

They hit the end of the ramp running, both women cursing as their feet disappeared into the sand beneath their feet, making any attempt to rush feel like they were running in slow motion whilst using double the energy.

Scott drew in closer to them as they moved, taking a quick glance up at Gil who’d appeared at the top of the ramp. “Think you’d be able to engineer something that levitates by now!” he shouted.

The redhead pulled a face at the snide remark, but he knew it'd been induced by stress. He would’ve stayed in the cargo bay if it meant not getting shouted at by any members of the team, but he was so damned curious about what their patient was going to come up looking like.

Scott stuck close to the women’s side as they trudged through the sand, guiding them over ground that looked firmer, trying to prevent them from tripping on the dry, cracked islands of earth. He really didn’t know what he was doing in all of this, and so did what he could.

“Can you help it?” He questioned, watching Lexi’s face change ever so slightly as she concentrated on not falling over. He didn’t mean to ask such a direct thing. To panic her even more. But he couldn’t help it.

“I --,” she hesitated, feeling like a young asari medical resident. No, like that time she first had to patch up her father on Omega. “I don’t know. I mean, yes. I have all the data from the one I dissected, I --" Suddenly that thought repulsed her, but she thought of all those that had lived millennia before her studying alien species so they could save them. She allowed herself her curiosity in her work. “Yes. Yes, I can. I can’t promise I’ll save it, but I will try.”

“That’s all we need to know!” Scott replied, glad that they were swiftly coming upon the patient.

“My god!” Suvi gasped, taking in what lay before them before locking eyes with Peebee who looked equally as helpless in her task. She turned to Lexi, noting that the asari wasn’t as calm as she usually was in situations like this, but also looking to her for instructions. “Lexi. What to do first?”

Lexi’s eyes nervously scanned the kett before her, noting all that SAM’s report had said on the body. She wavered, looking wild as she motioned for Suvi to help her place the gurney, supplies and all, on the ground next to it.

“Something’s different. SAM. Update.”

“ _We have administered a kett medical cocktail. The kett is in an induced coma. Blood pressure is low but stable. Without the team’s compress it would have bled out already.”_

“Maybe the shot over stimulated the trauma response. Shut it’s body down to protect vitals.”

_“That would appear correct Dr. T’Perro.”_

“That would be why some people passed out and never came around after taking this stuff,” Vetra said, frankly. Liam shot her a chastising look, anger in his eyes that she hadn’t some clean with him.

“You knew that all along?”

“Hey. It’s for kett! From a trauma pack. It wasn’t going to kill it!” She defended her decision, and Liam suddenly felt angry but relieved that the gamble had paid off.

Suvi, noticing the growing disagreement in the air, focused everyone. “You’ve all done a good job to get it this far.”

Lexi was down by its side, sand bunching around her knees as she tried to get a good look at the trauma that Liam and Peebee were fighting so hard to keep from killing it.

“Okay. Suspected hemothorax,” she muttered to herself. Trying to pull the information from her dissection about how large the chest cavity of a kett was and how many litres of blood their bodies held. Keeping it here on the dunes wasn’t an option if it was bleeding into its chest. She needed it in the med-bay asap. She let that sink in. “SAM’s data says collapsed lung – definitely a collapsed lung.” That made this worse. There was more space in that chest cavity to bleed into. “Suvi. We need to move this patient now.”

“Nothing can be done here?” She asked quickly, already urgently removing the kit that was on the gurney.

“No, I can’t do anything here, we need the machines in the med-bay. Peebee, Liam,” she said sharply, urgently, noticing the look of shock on Peebee’s face, like she knew how important it was to get this right. “ _Don’t crap out on me now, girl!”_ She thought in her head, willing the young asari to pay attention. “The pressure you’re putting on that wound is the only thing that’s keep this kett alive right now. So you cannot let up, you hear me?”

“Roger that,” Liam responded, calmly. Beyond his head Lexi watched as Peebee, wide-eyed, nodded enthusiastically.

“Good. OK. Vetra I need you at the shoulders. Suvi, Cora, if you would take a leg each. I need you to get ready to do a transfer lift. But not until I’m sure Liam and Peebee are comfortable with it.” She wouldn’t ask the others for help, she’d already evaluated them on the short walk down. Jaal was in no emotional state to willingly offer assistance, the Pathfinder was falling apart behind her, no matter how hard he was trying to stay calm. No. The team she had in front of her was good enough, and despite Peebee’s worried expression, she was in too deep now to back out. A thought came to her head.

“Drack,” the old krogan has been waiting in the wings. Despite how quiet he was he was hoping there was something that could be asked of him. He grunted in response. “Think you can get some flat pieces of metal or debris, anything to make a more stable path to the Tempest? Otherwise it will take us that much longer to get back.”

Drack was already scanning around him, seeing lots of kett cargo containers with removable lids, perfect for what he had in mind. “I can do that. Pathfinder, are you going to stand there with your _quads_ in your hands or come and do something useful?”

Scott was unprepared for the call out, but it was what he needed – something to do that didn’t make him feel so incompetent and alone, like Jaal who was still just standing there, paralysed. He moved with the krogan, starting to strip lids off the containers at his instruction.

Vetra looked up, taking note of the plan that the two had formed. “Lexi, how quickly do we need to do this?”

“Now would be ideal!”

“Okay. Just let me help them, it’ll be quicker with the three of us!”

“Be quick,” she snapped, and Vetra didn’t take it personally as she moved swiftly to aid them.

More hands made light work, as expected. In record time where was a neat line of cargo lids from the nearest island of firm ground all the way to the Tempest. Drack and Scott lodged the last one home, and as he turned to see Vetra rushing back he suddenly remembered something.

“Oh, crap!” He cursed, looking around worriedly. The force in his voice stopped Vetra in her run.

“What is it?” she called back.

“I need to get the Nomad! Though I’m not sure where it is in all this. We left it a fair way out.”

As if to shame him, SAM supplied the information. “ _The Nomad is two kilometres due east, Pathfinder. I have marked it on your map.”_

“Right!” The Pathfinder huffed out, sounding a little deflated. The stress of the situation was getting to him and if he was honest, he wanted a break clause. Retrieving the Nomad would’ve been a welcome task. “I’d best go get it.”

“We could leave it here on the dunes. Come back for it later?” Drack suggested.

“ _Absolutely not!_ ” Gil warned over the comms. “ _She is not spending the night out here. We’ll come back tomorrow and she’ll be gone. Or worse, taken apart by those Advent people,”_ he mumbled. “ _Or kett._ ”

Scott didn’t know how to reply to the resident engineer, fearful of being on the end of one of his snide remarks. Luckily Vetra took the reins.

“So, would you rather chance say, me and Drack driving it back to Prodromos?” There was a low grumble from the man. Vetra smirked, she could hear in that noise that he was weighing up his options.

“ _Fine!”_ he finally blurted out. “ _But only if you’re driving it, Vetra! Make sure the old krogan sits in the middle to distribute his weight.”_

“Honestly, Gil. We’d all think you were _married_ to that piece of junk if you weren’t clearly already married to the Tempest!”

“ _Over_ MY _dead body_!” Came Kallo’s scathing voice. Scott supressed a snort at the comment, quickly looking back at the ramp to see the engineer turning and storming back onto the ship. He faced Vetra, ready to congratulate her on giving Gil and Kallo some small annoyance, but his smile fall when he saw her face.

“This is an important moment, Pathfinder,” she said, gravely, even for her. “A kett casualty, taken in by the Pathfinder team. A kett that might remember who it was. If it survives.”

Scott’s eyes dropped. He certainly was feeling the pressure. The spat over the Nomad had been a welcome distraction, and he felt like he’d come crashing back to reality a little too quickly.

“What’s keeping us?” Lexi’s asked over the comms. It was a passive aggressive question, so unlike her, and it had Vetra hurrying back on swift feet to the gathered crowd.

Scott’s eyes followed her, glancing over at the scene playing out a little down the way. Jaal looked like he felt just as useless as he did, standing to the side as Lexi was instructing those who were chosen to help on how to load the casualty on the gurney.

“That’s it. Now lift on a count of three. One. Two. _Three_.” Cora, Suvi and Vetra did as they were told and with some effort had the kett in position. They carried the load, allowing the doctor to accompany the patient, Liam and Peebee keeping up the pressure as they tried to pay attention to the pace of the group and where their feet were walking. They moved carefully over the upturned cargo lids, with purpose, and it seemed like an age before they got back to the ramp. Scott had let them pass and hovered around them, quickly falling back in step with Jaal who was following behind numbly. He didn’t want to fill the silence between them with pointless chatter, far more concerned with respecting the thoughts that must have been going around in his head.

“We got the Nomad,” Drack called as they reached the ramp. Scott turned back, seeing the krogan start to leave. “Tell Vetra I went ahead!” Jaal had turned as well, and he blinked thoughtfully, like Drack’s voice had somehow snapped him out of his reverie.

“The old man is right,” he said simply, Scott not quite understanding because he’d obviously missed what Jaal was referring to, but also somewhat amused that he’d used their pet name for him when he wasn’t around.

“About what?”

Jaal glanced upwards, at the entourage as they disappeared over the lip of the ramp and into the cargo bay. “It wants to live. It was begging to be saved. It barely knew who it was, but it was clinging onto something of its past.” He sighed. “It deserves a chance to live.”

 _“Are we clear for take-off?”_ Kallo’s voice cut through the two’s thoughts. It wasn’t a question really. From his tone they knew it was his way of hurrying them along.

“Jaal and I will be clear soon. But we need to wait for Vetra to come back out. She’s helping carry the patient then will retrieve the Nomad with Drack. We are to return to Prodromos. When they get back in the Nomad we’ll travel to the Nexus. Can you set up the clearance for that?”

 _“Leave it to me, Ryder,”_ the salarian answered, seemingly happy with the answer. The two companions then set in the direction of the cargo bay, making quick work of it. As they entered, they saw Gil and Vetra talking hastily in urgent but hushed voices. Scott thought he might be telling her how to drive the Nomad properly, but then he realised it was an exchange between friends, and the face of the engineer had been worried.

“It’s okay Gil, shit crazy but okay. The Initiative will know what to do.” She noticed Scott and Jaal enter the cargo bay proper. “Is Drack waiting for me?”

“Yeah, he started off. Said you should catch up with him.” Scott replied.

“Right. You all got this, you hear me? And I got the Nomad, Gil, don’t worry, she’ll be back in one piece!”

“She’d _better_!” he quipped back, shooing her off and waiting for her to be clear before going about closing the hatch and retracting the ramp.

“I saw it,” he said with an apprehensive expression, his hand slightly straining as he pushed a heavy lever down to activate the hatch mechanism. “You sure about this, Ryder?”

Scott thought of bringing up the fact that he’d defended him against Kallo when he’d asked the same question. But everyone was allowed to have second thoughts. “Yes. Jaal says it’s the right thing to do. And I trust him. We can only do our best. If it dies, we tried. If it survives, we cross that bridge when it happens.”

“Open a whole can of worms with it too,” the engineer muttered. “Jaal, they said it was speaking to you.”

“Yes,” the alien affirmed. “It did. It spoke to me in my own tongue. And that is significant.”

“Yeah. Then it’s the right thing to do.” Gil seemed dismissive despite what he was saying, hitting a few more buttons before setting the last lever home. “Kallo, hold is secure!”

 _“Roger that. Prepare for take-off!”_ Kallo’s voice was shrill as usual, filling the cargo bay over the tannoy system. Scott thought those two were behaving well around each other.

“I’ll be in the usual place if you need me,” the redhead offered before he left.

Jaal and Scott’s eyes both caught movement in the corridor beyond, members of the team filing out of the med-bay. It seemed that Lexi and Suvi were taking control. When the others had dispersed and the feeling of the vertical take-off had dissipated, Jaal spoke into the calm, recycled air, almost as if he was in a dream.

“It mentioned it’s true mother, Scott. That is _connection_ , knowing your true mother. There must be some part of that kett that knows it was angaran. It has angaran memories. It –”

He stopped abruptly, and Scott wondered if there was more he wanted to say, but he didn’t push him, instead allowing the moment to pass.

“You can use my quarters if you want more privacy,” he offered, not knowing if it would suit him.

“Not right now, Pathfinder,” Jaal returned, quite warmly. “I prefer to be amongst my own things at a time like this. I know this is a sensitive task, what we have just done, and so I won’t inform the Resistance about it. Just yet. Even I can’t imagine Evfra’s reaction, or that of the Moshae – the angara as a whole. We saw some proof at the Kett _Sanctuary_ ,” he bit at the last word as he said it, “that there was a certain amount of indoctrination before our people are exalted. Perhaps their methods are not as fool proof as they assume them to be. They may break their minds, but perhaps part of who they were remains hidden within. What if they are not lost to us, even in these bodies? Would it be a relief or a boon to us all?”

The young Pathfinder had no answer for him. He wondered if something like this happened to the Milky Way Galaxy, if a conquering force came in and turned them all into something other than themselves, would it be an existence worth living?

***

Cora followed Peebee into the bathroom, going over to her locker to retrieve something as the asari busied herself at the sink. It didn’t matter what Cora was getting, she feigned it so she could make sure she was okay. She heard her tutting to herself, the water running and making splashing noises as it was disrupted by her movements.

“You did really well, Peebee,” came Cora’s voice from behind her. It was warm, kind and full of praise. She wasn’t used to hearing people talk to her like that. It was usually words said to get her to stop talking, or to avoid getting into a conversation with her. Cutting people off and shying away from their niceties by being blasé was one of the defence mechanisms the asari had built up. But this time she thought she’d indulge it in the hopes that the comment had been genuine.

“Thanks…” she was self-conscious about how it came out, what she sounded like. Did she sound sincere? She had removed her gloves and was washing them out, thick brown-green blood that had pooled and coagulated around her fingertips diluting and steadily being washed away by the stream of water.

“I mean it,” Cora repeated, coming over. Peebee glanced up at the mirror and caught the woman’s eyes in the reflection. She was now dressed down in a tank top, her jumpsuit bunched around her waist, ready to be pulled on properly. Peebee tutted again, then suddenly worried, hoping that Cora didn’t think it was in reaction to her presence. She needed to talk about it, she just didn’t know if she could.

“I was so stuck in my head when it all went down. I didn’t know what was wrong with Jaal, and then the next thing I know there’s a kett lying next to me dead, only it wasn’t dead. It grabbed my hand and was begging for help. Not in their language, but in shelesh.”

Cora looked on kindly, encouragingly.

“And I wanted to help it. Because it asked, you know?” She rubbed her hands together nervously, glancing at the floor, the wall, anything to stop her from having to look at the woman she was talking to. “I don’t know what else to say,” she finally admitted.

“It’s okay to have all these feelings, Peebee. All of this is new, unknown. We didn’t even know that we’ve been fighting kett who were angara all along until recently. I think it makes sense that some of them would remember who they were, even though all they’ve been through. You were right to help, because it asked for help. And I think that says a lot of your character. Hopefully all of our actions today will reflect well on the Initiative. It’ll be one for the history books, that’s for sure.”

Peebee nodded at what the woman had said. Yes, she had these feelings. Yes, she was unsure. But Cora had been right, it was a small deliverance, a small gesture that could change Heleus fundamentally. And she had had a hand in it. “Thanks…”

“Anytime,” she replied. Knowing that Peebee’s words were spent, she watched as the asari went back to washing her gloves out. Cora let a smile form on her mouth before starting to make her way out into the corridor. She was stopped in her tracks, Peebee turning and raising her voice. It sounded small and worried but also hopeful.

“Do you ever get the feeling like you’re in way over your head and…and if you stop to think about it you might go insane, or do something stupid?” The worry on her face was clinging onto the hopefulness in her voice, and it made Cora realise how insecure the young asari was. That dismissive demeanour of hers was just to keep people at an arm’s length so she didn’t have to deal with the emotional fallout.

“Yeah, Peebee. All the time!” she replied generously. “If you want to talk, or anything, I’ll be in the bio-lab, okay?”

“Yeah…” Peebee replied with a slightly shaken voice. She blew out a breath as Cora left, turning again to wring out her gloves. They needed a proper wash; she didn’t know if the smell was going to come out of them. Even if it was just an imagined smell.

***

“Hey...”

Scott’s apprehensive voice greeted Liam as he hovered at the doorway to the cargo hold. Liam had converted it into his space, like what people would call a man cave back home, somewhere he could relax or tinker. It was always open to the other members of the crew, just as Scott made his quarters available to them. He smiled inwardly. Unlike Kallo who made them all feel very unwelcome on the bridge.

“What can I do for you, Pathfinder?” he asked warmly, already shuffling over on that messy couch to invite him in.

“God, Liam! Its Scott, not Pathfinder. You know that!”

“Sorry!” he replied, not sounding convincingly sorry for annoying him with his title. He knew Scott was still finding this all overwhelming. He had a feeling that today had brought that home. “Need to talk about today?”

“Yeah,” Scott answered in a small voice.

“Okay. I got just the thing!” He reached down the far end of the couch, pulling out two bottles of a premium beer from Earth, a stash that he’d brought with him. Scott’s eyes lit up appreciatively, he hadn’t had one of those in a while.

“How the hell do you get this stuff? It must be old as hell!”

Liam huffed at the excitement from the Pathfinder. “I brought it with me actually, so it’s really special that we’re having it, okay? Can’t even rely on Vetra to get some of this.” He pulled out a rusting bottle opener from a key chain, popping the caps on both of them and handing one to Scott. “Crazy day for all of us, mate. Never thought I’d be doing first aid on a kett.”

“You took it all in your stride, though,” Scott mumbled, looking down at the lip of his bottle. “How’d you do it?”

“Training kicking back in I guess,” Liam replied. “It’s part of what I did back home. When you learn lifesaving stuff it doesn’t leave you easily. Even if it is a butt ugly alien that was shooting at you not a moment earlier.”

Scott snorted at the comment, thankful that his friend was trying to make light of the situation if only to make him feel better. “I’m worried, Liam. Whichever way this goes the Resistance will be on our asses for it. I hope the Initiative will have our backs. I just didn’t know what to do, but Jaal knew what he wanted, and I had to make that decision for him. Even if he couldn’t say it at the time. I wonder,” he stopped, pondering on if he should say what he was thinking. “I wonder what my father would’ve done.”

Liam took a swig from his drink, trying not to choke down on it as the liquid slid down his throat. He forgot that he’d probably spent more time with Alec than Scott had in the last few years. Scott was looking to him to fill in the blanks about his father as a leader. “If it makes you feel any better Scott, I think you made the right call. I think your father would’ve made that call too. We were all already trying to help when you called Kallo, so collectively we’d already made the decision to help. It’s not gonna be just on you. We’re a team, designed to go out into the frontier, to find and experience new things. We might be caught up in this war with the kett and angara, but we forge our own way through it, learn from them, for them.” He thought for a click. “I don’t think Jaal would’ve been able to take action if he’d been by himself. Even if he wanted to help. I think the team taking over is what helped him. And he won’t forget it. Even if this whole thing goes south there’ll be one angara that knows we have compassion.”

Scott dragged an apprehensive palm over his forehead, keeping the silence hanging as he took a gulp of his drink as well. He was glad that Liam had reassured him of all his worries. “To be honest, I think I would’ve been as useless as Jaal without you all taking control.” His voice sounded so small and pathetic, not like a Pathfinder at all.

“I know, man,” Liam responded, holding out his bottle to invite Scott to clink his against it. “That’s why we’re a team! We’re in this together. Got each other’s back. Maybe this kett will be a fine addition to that team, representing everything that could be lost here if we lose.”

Scott liked the sound of that, not only the feeling that he wasn’t alone in all of this, but that there were people willing to take the burden for him when he needed it, to stand together as one.”

The men sealed those thoughts with a toast of bottles, knowing that the day had been one that might change Heleus.

***

He’d been sewing when Suvi came to collect him. There was a new tear in his rofjin, and he’d absently patched the hole up with some left-over material from his supplies, carefully yet subconsciously sealing it like he was patching some part of his psyche.

“Jaal?” Her gentle voice was always so calming to him, sweet and full of wonder. It reminded him of one of his cousins back home. He turned to her like he was coming out of some kind of trance, body straightening, eyes filling with recognition of his surroundings.

“Lexi asked me to come get you. The patient is stable, and she wants you to come and see it.”

“I don’t –”

Suvi had already closed in and put a warm hand on his wide shoulder. “She’s insisting. She knows it will help. Both of you.”

Jaal turned to look intently at the garment he was repairing. It could wait. “Yes,” he said, his voice sure despite how unsure he felt inside. He needed to see the kett, talk to Lexi, just so he knew that this was all worth the trouble the team had gone through. “I shall follow.”

“Good, let’s go via the front. That way if you need a drink or something, we can do that before we go in.”

Jaal was glad that she’d taken control, numbly following her out of the room and across the walkway to the ladders. He ignored the urge to look through the transparent floor, knowing it would be futile anyway, because even if he could see into the med-bay, Lexi would’ve activated the electrochromic windows for privacy. Despite Suvi’s urging, he didn’t want a drink, or anything from the kitchen, and so they moved on to the med-bay.

“Jaal.” Lexi greeted him more with the subtle smile on her face than with his name. He stepped across the threshold, the movement seeming easier to him than anticipated. Suvi made no effort to follow, and he was filled with confusion.

“Are you joining us?”

“No,” she said warmly. “I’ve been relieved from my duty! But if you need anything else let me know, okay?”

“I will,” Lexi replied for both of them. “I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.”

Suvi smiled and nodded, then she was gone, the door swiftly closing behind her. Jaal realised then that the doctor had been just as uncertain in this as they all had. He came over to inspect the patient, moving towards the opposite side of the bed. It had been placed under comforting covers up to its waist, its chest area a mass of wires and lifesaving equipment. Its face was covered with an oxygen mask. On the overhead holograms were several read outs that he didn’t fully understand, but they all appeared calm for now. His eyes flicked down again, and he noticed a large needle sticking out of the side of the kett’s chest, like it had been bored between two ribs. Lexi saw his eyes looking inquisitively at it.

“I had to do a chest decompression. There was air trapped. And blood.”

He nodded. He could only imagine what she and Suvi had had to do to get the kett in this stable condition. He sat down opposite the asari, the kett in between them, the wires and holograms somewhat obscuring her face. He could see that she was exhausted, but that she was flushed with excitement, probably at having achieved this, at having helped someone. The Pathfinder team were good at keeping themselves safe. She blessedly hadn’t had to deal with any major trauma for any of them yet.

She cast her eyes downward, and he did so too at her invite. Lexi, despite being outwardly clinical in her treatment of her patients, drew a cool palm across the kett’s brow ridge, watching it sleep with an almost innocent look to it. She didn’t know if it gave it any comfort – if it remembered such things – but she was glad that she had got the creature to this point. She watched as its chest rose and fell, how the mask providing oxygen was enclosed tightly around its mouth. She had sat by its side for what seemed like an eternity, alone in her work, waiting for this moment to come. The moment where she had done all she could.

“I’ve managed to stop the bleeding and stabilise it, but from here on out it needs to _want_ to live.”

“I believe it does, doctor,” Jaal responded simply. “It fought to survive after I…. attacked it. If I hadn’t been there to finish it off, if it hadn’t spoken to me, it would be another body being claimed by the sand overnight.” His dipped eyes locked with hers, those dark, large irises filling with sudden gratitude. “Thank you, Lexi, for doing the impossible. We never expected to be saving kett, and to ask that of you must have been a monumental task. A _burden_. One I don’t take lightly at having thrust upon you.”

She smiled, loving that angara were so free with their emotions, knowing that this was exactly what Jaal meant. “Thank you. It means a lot. I won’t say it hasn’t been without its challenges though.”

Jaal shifted in his seat, sitting a little straighter. “How do _you_ feel about this, doctor?”

“I feel... I feel nothing,” she admitted, then sighed. “That’s not entirely true. I feel something, but it’s more akin to repulsion at myself. We never save kett. We never hear stories of kett that surrender, or beg for mercy, that want to _live_. I’ve,” she paused again, “I’ve never thought of them as entities worthy of life. I’ve dissected one, found out all I can about them – their physiology, bone and muscle structure, digestive system. I’ve always seen them as fascinating machines, that a dead kett is the best kind of kett. Yet here I am trying to save one, because it wants to live. Because it has a reason to live. Once I’ve done my part. I hope I haven’t brought a monster into this world.”

“You speak as if saving life is sacred, yet you fear having to be the person that decides if someone lives or dies.”

“It’s true. Once, there was a pandemic on a human colony. I went there with a team to assist. I’m an expert in alien physiology and besides I couldn’t get infected. But, long story short, Jaal, I had to decide who was worth saving or not. Some weren’t going to survive despite our best efforts. It was better to give the younger, stronger humans a chance, and let the critical and old patients die as comfortably as possible.”

Jaal’s eyes grew distant for a moment. “I’ve heard stories of when our five worlds connected again, of alien diseases that spread between our people...”

“It’s happened the galaxy over, Jaal. Asari too, no doubt turian, salarian, human and krogan as well.” She suddenly stopped talking, looking saddened. “There’s a race back in the Milky Way – the quarians – they lived their lives encased in bio suits on a great flotilla. They were incredibly prone to infection from other species and each other.”

“What happened to them?” Jaal asked, an almost innocent wonder to his voice.

“There’s another ark, out there, somewhere. It left with the others, but it hasn’t arrived yet. Quarian and drell, batarian, hanar, elcor.” Her eyes looked up at him. “More people from home.”

“And this too is like a home coming. A first, or at least the first we know of. A kett. Exalted. Remembering that it was once angaran. One that _is_ angaran. Cut off from family, from death and rebirth. If that isn’t a great illness that could infect us all, I don’t know what is.”

Lexi didn’t know what to say to that. Jaal was likening exultation to a disease, not the cold hard fact that it was bioengineered kett evolution. There was too much emotion to see it for what it truly was. She heard him let out a sigh, and she knew that something more poignant was going to be said by him.

“It was a Gloryseeker.” Jaal's voice trailed off. Even though angara were free with their emotions, he had learned to start behaving like his crew mates. Lexi knew he was hesitating because he was asking for permission to continue, so she nodded in his direction. Jaal took his cue, but before he spoke, he realised that he needed to set some grounding facts for the asari. “You know about our beliefs in reincarnation?”

Lexi looked thoughtfully at him, physiology and biology were more her spheres of interest, but she had begun to delve into their cultural beliefs in her down time. She suddenly realised why Jaal was referring to exultation as a sort of disease. “Well,” she started, “correct me if I get any of this wrong, but angara believe that when they die, they are reincarnated and the reincarnated soul stays in the family, making their lineage stronger.”

“Correct.”

“And...?” it was Lexi's turn to hesitate to spur the angara to take up his train of thought further.

“It’s the basis of all of our religions, what keeps the family unit strong. I had my doubts about it, thought it was just a way of keeping cohesion in the family unit. Keeping the communities thriving. Keeping us from ever truly losing those who were lost to us through the kett –” His voice choked. Lexi knew that all angara viewed those that had been exalted as cut off from the cycle of death and rebirth – that they were truly lost from their families.

“But...what does this mean?” he gestured wildly to the kett lying peacefully next to them. “It remembered what it was – _who it was_ – before _this_.” He almost recoiled as he said it as if what he was saying was some sort of blasphemy. Lexi wanted to snap him out of it, so redirected where she suspected his thoughts were going.

“What are these Gloryseekers, Jaal?”

“Yes...I was going to tell you. They are a relatively new religious faction of mostly younglings, who believe that dying in combat against the kett will make them come back stronger and wiser to continue the fight. They go into battle with calm hearts and bodies trained far harder than any Resistance fighter. But they engage in nothing more than suicide missions.”

“They must have great faith. To throw themselves at the kett with the belief that they will come back to try again.”

“This is the irony with what we now know. They throw their very chance of reincarnation away to the kett, because the kett try not to kill their enemies as much as possible. Because they need us to procreate. And if reincarnation is real, and these gloryseekers are turned to kett, they are lost to us. They cannot return. All they have done is throw themselves completely at the kett’s mercy, forever losing who they are, forever losing their connection to their families. Death would be better than that.”

“How do you know it was a gloryseeker?” Lexi asked. Until now she didn’t even know that this faction even existed.

“It said as much. It couldn’t remember who it was, but it remembered what it had been. And I suppose the trauma of realising what had happened to it had brought it around somehow.

“It’s like with animals,” Jaal continued, simply, honestly. “We hunt them, we eat them for food. But we also keep them as pets, we see them love us back, get to know their personalities, know them as individuals. We offer them peace when they are dying.”

“But we don’t offer the same thing to any old animal. We forget that out there, in the wild, they have little personalities too...”

“Yes. Just like kett. We never stop to talk. We just shoot. How many of them laugh and cry and get angry just the same as we do? How many of them remember,” his voice broke suddenly, “who they were before and keep that hidden inside them?”

She would’ve placed a reassuring hand on him if her patient wasn’t in the way. “How do you feel, Jaal. About all of this?”

“A strange calm. My heart aches for the angara it once was. Now it is uprooted, in a body that will seem unfamiliar to it. I want to be here when it wakes up. I want it to know that it still _belongs_. It’s a terrible burden that I accept. It’s a terrible burden that I have had all the Pathfinder team partake in. But, am I selfish for admitting that I don’t care about that? Am I allowed to be selfish for once?”

She smiled. Jaal was the easiest patient she had ever known.

“Yes. You’re allowed to be selfish, Jaal. And you will be a great ambassador for all of us if our patient comes around. It will be an honour in the future to know that we all had a hand in this. If the outcome is favourable.”

He nodded, his eyes telegraphing that he was thinking on what she said, some part of him making peace with his motives and selfishness. “I need to see this part through, doctor.”

“I’ll leave you to your thoughts then, Jaal. But if this gets too taxing mentally, you need to leave. If you can’t do it alone, you must call someone to you. Understood?”

“Yes, doctor,” he replied obediently. He could think of nothing more than wanting to be here when it woke up. He wanted the kett to come around to a friendly face – and angaran face – especially if it turned out to know who it was. He looked darkly at his own hands. What if it remembered being shot by him? Would it be scared?

“I’ll be in and out. I need to check in regularly. But for now, it seems stable. If anything changes I’ll know.” She tapped at her omni-tool which flashed briefly on her forearm.

He nodded seriously as Lexi neared the doorway.

“Do you need anything, Jaal? I can fetch something from your quarters.”

“No Dr. T'Perro. Thank you. But I want to be with my own thoughts for a while. I will let you know if they become too taxing.”

Lexi smiled gently at him, wondering if his use of her exact words meant he’d taken them in in earnest, or if he was repeating them just to reassure her. Still, she wouldn’t be long gone, and it seemed best to leave him with his kin. She was sure that he wouldn’t try to murder it before it came around. She chastised herself for even dwelling on that thought, knowing that it was her psychoanalysis going into overdrive. The truth of the matter was that as soon as Jaal had heard it speak to him he was conflicted, the trauma of seeing an angara exalted before his eyes still fresh in his mind. He’d graced her already by confiding in her about it, and so she already knew it was a deep-seated pain for him. But this one kett in front of him, this one life lost and now seemingly regained, maybe this was a catharsis for him, a message that not all angara who are kett are truly lost.

As she left the med-bay and rounded towards the cargo hold, she wondered if the team would still be able to pull the trigger on the kett, or if this was just one fluke in the perfection that the kett demanded of their exalted. She wondered how the Resistance or the angara would react to such a revelation, shamelessly glad that she was at the frontier of this new discovery, and the collective mental anguish that would follow.

_You left the Milky Way in the hopes of a new, more exciting life. One where you could help save lives and learn at the same time. Grow old into matriarch-hood knowing that you made a difference._

Lexi smiled to herself. That day that Harry had suggested she become the resident doctor on the Pathfinder team didn’t seem all that bad now.

***

Jaal didn’t know how much time had passed since Lexi had left him to his thoughts. Nothing had changed. The beeping of the instruments was steady and somewhat relaxing to him, filling the air with a controlled calm that only machines could bring. He opened his ears a little more and heard the hum of the Tempest as it flew at light speed. He appreciated how wonderful the ship was, technology that even made Evfra jealous when he’d told him about it. He glanced up and out of the windows, noting that Lexi had made them half opaque to give him some privacy but also allow those who were observing some sense of what was happening inside.

He cast his eyes downward, subconsciously letting his breathing become one with the pace the kett’s assisted lungs, the sight of its chest rising and falling peacefully a comfort to him. There was never enough time in battle or after battle to take the fallen kett in properly. When Lexi had one in this very room for dissection, he had made a point of not going anywhere near it. But now, here, he regarded the body in front of him with a childish curiosity, trying to match it with his own. Now he could see clearly there were some similarities; the facial structure, the body shape, legs with three joints unlike the inefficient legs the humans and asari had.

This was a new kett, a Chosen, one that was just starting its journey. They’d seen the different types of kett on the battlefield, and the Initiative and Resistance had been quick to work out that the more advanced forms were the result of further enhanced DNA. Maybe this was why this kett was relapsing – it was just a child.

That thought hurt Jaal even more. Maybe it really was a gloryseeker in its former, angaran life, a zealous youngling not unlike himself, hungry for battle, the war with the kett the only thing it had ever known. Born into fear, raised by righteousness, trained hard in mind and body and ready to fight and die for what it believed in. What right did the kett have to take that away from it? All angara were certain of their reincarnation – was reincarnation as kett even palatable, let alone acceptable?

This was the greatest fear that he had upon this kett’s awakening. An angara, now kett. A gloryseeker forever cut off from its family, its kin. Its identity unequivocally changed, foreign, yet angaran on the inside. Would it consider itself a failure, an abomination? Or would they show kindness, understanding, and accept it back into the fold? He thought to call a priestess to them, to take counsel on what may happen if this kett was broken both in body and soul.

He noticed a change in the prone form in front of him. Its chest moved deeper, its breathing becoming irregular. But this wasn’t because of some emergency, no, the breathing was somehow calm but laboured. He knew the kett was coming around.

He turned his face gently to the side, shuffling his body in suit to make sure he would be the thing it saw when it opened its eyes.

***

Calm. At peace with itself. Valued. Safe. These were the thoughts that went through her head as she slowly pulled herself back to consciousness. The pain in her chest was still there, but it felt other than her, dull and detached, just like the feeling of her consciousness within this body. God, this body felt foreign, but she also felt like it was the only one meant for her now.

She willed her eyes open, slowly greeted by a blinding light overhead. She realised that she had felt a presence next to her all this time, and that the presence was still there watching over her. Was it her ancestors come to greet her, the space between time and space that guided their souls back to their kin? She wished for it, yearned for it, because the reality was far more heart breaking to comprehend.

Shapes in the room slowly took form, and the clinical looking walls and ceilings did nothing to quell that fear in her heart. The way back to rebirth would never look so clinical – her brothers and sisters had talked about it deep into the night, imagining what awaited them when they died in battle, how they’d see each other in the stream, waiting to be reborn.

That was the first real pang in her heart. None of it was true, or she’d been robbed of it. This body, so cold and unfeeling, a shell that contained the DNA of all its forefathers but none of their _souls_. She felt a warm hand across her brow, and she was glad for it, because it took her away from the sorrow she was feeling.

She willed her eyes to focus, and there before her was that same angaran that had smote her, those same azure eyes, deep and thoughtful. She’d seen hate in them the last time she saw them, then fear, followed by confusion, and she knew she didn’t need to fear the firaan that had been pushed against her throat.

How was he here, calm and thoughtful and such a blessed presence for her to wake up to? Kin. True Kin. True kin despite the vessel she found herself in. She tried to make her face look warm, remembering how she used to look upon those she loved.

He reacted. He must have seen something of her former self inside that shell, because he smiled truly at her, taking her hand in both of his.

“ _Paavoa, tavetaan_. I am Jaal Ama Darav. My true mother is Sahuna.”

She blinked. She would’ve blinked wildly if she wasn’t so weak. She suddenly heard the bustle of family, no not family, kin. Fellow gloryseekers. As good as family then. They were loading up, ready to take the battle to the kett. She had hung behind having forgotten to take something with her. Out of the cold of the ice cave came several good humoured if a little impatient calls of her name.

She remembered.

“I am Anara Kihar.” The kett sighed out its name, loss and longing embedded in it. “My true mother is Nakiwo.”

Jaal let out a gasp at the words, worry and sympathy but also hope set free on that breath. He moved closer, looking at its milky white eyes. He recognised their shape, just like his own, and wondered what colour they were before this.

He gazed upon the kett with a reassuring expression, his hand squeezing its hand tighter. Yes. It was angaran, just like he was. He leaned in closer and whispered to it, awe in his voice.

“Stay strong and clear.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> You can find my Mass Effect related art on my [Tumblr blog ](https://jeannedarcprice.tumblr.com/)


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